Winner of the Week.

The phones went dead for like 20 minutes. However, I spent those twenty minutes on the phone with a nice old lady. She talked so fast and said so much I didn’t get to hear everything but here are some of the highlights. Editorial comments are bold and italicized.

-“The country should not decide when people die. Senator Kennedy wanted to live on.” Doesn’t everyone? Tough break.

-“Abortion isn’t about the rights of the fetus, it’s about other rights, which is why he should vote for Stupack.” I’m glad your arguments are as ridiculous as your position.

-“No public health — it’s against the Constitution.” Same goes for pubic health — see above. All MPHs are revoked, effective immediately.

-“Why don’t Senator and Obama put on a uniform and go out and get shot at instead of sending our boys, neither of them know what its like to fight for our country.” Isn’t that kind of a paradox? Then wouldn’t they just be more boys being shot at who aren’t allowed to come home? You are now entering a place we call … the Twilight Zone.

-“My grandson went to Duke and graduated magna cum lade and he has two kids and lives in California and the crisis out there is just crazy, crazy, crazy.”“I’m so proud of him, but it’s not like he’d ever know it — he never calls his poor bubbe. My kugel is getting cold.” Oy gevalt.

-“The President is crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.” Craaa-zy, for thinking that my love could hold yooooouu… wait, Ross Perot did not win the election. That is not the right theme song.

-“Why was he out at the Olympics when our boys are at war?” Because he wants to get good seats for the swimming competition! How else was he going to get Michael Phelps’s autograph. (He and Bill Clinton didn’t inhale together, FYI.)

-Constituent: “Obama hates America, he was raised in Indonesia, he’s a muslim at heart I tell you — a muslim at heart.”

Me: “So you have a problem with muslims?”

Constituent: “No they should just not come to our country and blow it up. Those 9/11 people should be tried in military, they should speak our language like those damn Mexicans. Now I don’t have anything against them, they’re wonderful workers, but they should speak our language.”

Me: “You are aware there is no national language.”

Constituent: “Are you crazy? Of couse there is a national language it’s English! How old are you? You must be crazy.”

Crazy? Maybe, but at least I ain’t stupid.

-Constituent: “In Arizona there are Indians and Chinese with their characters and they cant speak a damn word of English! Should be required. After all this country was founded on Christianity and the English language. How dare they disrespect our founding fathers. Do you believe in God?”

Me: “I’m Jewish”

Constituent: “Those Mexicans need us to pay for everything but they can afford a shirt down to their ankles! And carry around their Mexican flag. Their white sheet was a uniform too. There is a rebellion in this country. We are going to lose the Constitution. I’m sick of that man Obama, he curses this country! My flag is hanging outside, every day I put it up. And I only buy ones made in America, not China! English is the American language, not Islam.”

I think he’s developing a cult following!

-“I worked in my community with a program where German doctors visited the U.S. This is the greatest country in the world. We brought them to our food stores and they were amazed.”

Nothing embodies America like a Target Greatlands. Except maybe that smiling man from wal-mart. He’s so nice. I bet he calls his bubbe. (Even despite the jaundice…)

-“No, I’m not angry at Muslims, but at all their plans. Our boys fighting in the war are good people. Look at those faces, handsome boys, volunteers.”

First rule of engagement: Ugly people make terrible soldiers. That’s why Schwartzkopf was so hot!

-“Barack Obama has made up his mind, he is going to destory this country. We invent trucks and give it around the world. Christmas is coming and they don’t even respect it.” DO THEY KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AAAAT AAAALLLLLLLL

-“Put me in jail, but I’ve said what I want to say. God bless you. I’m calling a few senators — I have the directory. God bless you. You should really find Jesus. No really, I know you’re Jewish but you will find the truth in Jesus. Hate me, but love America.” He also told me “Hate the fuhrer, love the reich,” so I’m taking him with a grain of salt.

-“I want to thank the senator for supporting the health care rights of all Americans, and I hope he fights the Stupack Amendment, because it threatens women’s lives and American rights.”

…

Wow.

Just kidding, my friend the PR professional wrote that one.

Here’s to you, crazies who have no one else to call with their problems.

But please, by all means, update us when your refrigerator is working again. Because we in the U.S. Senate care about you. Land of the freon, home of the brave.

Pick up, America is on the line.

As you probably know, this Saturday the Senate will be voting on the health care bill. This, of course means that the crazies are calling. This is escalated by the ridiculous conservative news media as well as a certain state radio station that told everyone to call us and get angry.

Thanks. Next time, we’re gonna call you and get angry. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Here are some ridiculous phone calls from today:

What always bothers me is when people cannot pronounce the Senator’s name (which we will not name, so we’ll just use “senator” as the example, which is about 95% of the people that call. That is how you say it: “SEN - A - TER.” It is not “center” or some stupid stutter that comes out of your mouth. Someone called today and I just had the urge to correct her, so I did. (Against the advice of my older, wiser friends, who say it will bite me in the ass one of these days.) I did say it in a polite way, though, and told the caller that it was all right — most people get it wrong.

SHE FREAKED OUT.

Senator (that’s pronounced “senator,” for all you phonics folks), get ready for a nasty letter from the constituents.

—

Next stupid calls! These people, who clearly got their information from this gentleman, explain that nothing in the Constitution says anything about health care.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that it says “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” not, “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as long as it doesn’t mean someone gets a free ride — or basic lifesaving services — because that threatens MY pursuit of happiness.”

Clearly.

No one deserves to die because they don’t have healthcare.

—

My favorite is when people call and say the EXACT SAME THING. I have heard at least 1,454,657,457,323,643,865 people say “well run you outta town on a rail, just like that other politician we just rode out of town on a rail,” or “I will go door-to-door campaigning against him if he votes for health care.”

Just because you listen to Glenn Beck and constantly call your senator whenever your refrigerator breaks or your dog chews through your mattress doesn’t mean anyone actually agrees with anything you’re saying.

____________________________________________________________

And now for some “interesting” calls:

“I pay your salary YOU WORK FOR ME, NOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!”

“I’m sorry sir I’m going to have to put you on hold.”

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE…

…so I transfer him.

—

“Bush, Rice, Cheney and all of them did it to me, Raul, Raul is out for me, what’s going on with Cuba!”

“What did they do you you ma’am?”

“They stole my identity and then tried to assasinate me, they tried to give me a lethal injection”

“Hang on, let me direct you to someone who can help…”

“TRANSFER”

Please, stop calling.

Welcome.

We created this blog to annonymously show the craziness behind a political office. Do not take it seriously, its just for enjoyment, so enjoy!